What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and how has it impacted your journey so far?
Last Updated: 16.06.2025 05:02
Yes, Tess, crime doesn't pay but apparently Rated-G horror does.
TEXT:
Tess' boyfriend, Ed, now works as a Peter Lorre impersonator.
What is it like to date a women 20 years younger than yourself?
At least until the peyote kicks in ...
Make Nazis afraid again!
I've also been making ends meet ... By appearing in Tijuana splatter comics as Evil Gringo #2.
What traits are considered unattractive? Which traits are typically seen as attractive and why?
Remember, kids, masturbation will make you see the devil everywhere!
Torchy thinks: Maybe I could play a gangster's moll since apparently smoking is still seen as wholesome and American.
Gadzooks! It's Torchy Todd slumming it in Yugoslavian science fiction! The shame!
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In order to answer this I came up with a little story that goes like this …
In 1954 complete bastard and censorship campaigner Fredric Wertham published a book for the stated goal of creating a moral panic around comic book's alleged impact on juvenile delinquency. Much like the House Committee on Un-American Activities' disastrous impact on the film industry, the Comics Code Authority (obey, puny humans) put many hardworking comic book characters out of work all because of one poorly written book called …
And then working as Betty and Veronica's body doubles ...
Which is the correct Tamil New Year, Thai-1 or Chithirai-1?
But Tess! I mean Betty! I mean Veronica! (I can never remember who is who) which ever one you are, I love you!
Marijuana makes Jesus cry!
Sex! Lingerie! Knock knock jokes!
If you received hand-me-downs as a child, how did they make you feel?
“Your boyfriend is a total perv, mommy.”
Times might be tough … But at least there's one thing we all agree on.
Two letters of transit signed by General De Gaulle … Stimpy, you eediot!
Have you ever had a bad gut feeling about someone and it was right?
Let's do what we always do, lay around half-naked while men make terrible jokes at our expense.
Speaking of which, poor Cleo Coco has ended up appearing in anti-vice pamphlets.
Shameless vixen! Trollop!
Why do nice guys rarely or never win?
Just you, me, in a vat of lime jello, pulling hair, calling each other names …
Ironically, Wertham focused on stories about crime, singling out Batman and Robin for its gay subtext and Dick Tracy for its violence.
Torchy, we're unemployed … And no one is hiring scantily-clad wastrels these days.
After you lather me up with that strawberry hand lotion.
Of all the layoffs, Torchy Todd and her gal pal, Tess Parker, were hit the hardest.
¡Explotando Dick por todos lados!
Do you have any problem dating a younger man?
I hear you're a stunt-double now for Fred in Scooby-Doo.
Every day is a good day to punch a Nazi! I mean MAGA! I mean the Comics Code Authority! (I can never remember who is who)
And I ended up moonlighting in Japanese porn, but the less said about that the better.
What do dreams about dead people mean?
Dick! I heard about the lay-off. What's a square-jaw crime fighter doing these days to bring in the bling?
Before there was MAGA there was … the Comics Code Authority
Only zombies dig to rock and roll, daddy-O!
Which type of physical cable has fastest transmission speed?
Perhaps now we can explore what being a “gal pal” really means.